Friday, October 28, 2011


The Captain gets a visitor just in time for Halloween!

(Amazing Talking Useless Machine)

Part 3: How I acquired the Eckener (story starts with Log 17: Rap Attack)

May 19th, 1940.
    It is very late at night, and we have rowed our boats directly under the Hindenburg II. Looking up at it I feel like a knight from an old tale about to poke a sleeping dragon. Most of the others don’t seem nervous, they are sadly ill informed on the powers of this great beast. Only I and my best men know what it’s capable of, and we shaking with nerves. Except for the ex German soldier, who has a sort of revenge or die attitude about himself. His family was killed by the Axis Powers, and he puts little value on his own life anymore, except his goal to redeem them.
    All around me, balloons are inflating like dark mushrooms growing out of the murky black water of the Atlantic. In a few hours we will be set to rise to the great beast. I must stop writing know, for my companion needs my help with our own balloon.
    ...If Hugo Eckener could see me know!

Friday, October 21, 2011

Log 18: Interference

The Captain has his own show hijacked by a familiar voice... And I insult him again! The following is the next entry from his old logs:

-ATUM (Amazing Talking Useless Machine)

Part 2: How I acquired the Eckener (story starts with Log 17: Rap Attack)

May 19th, 1940.
    I have assembled a team of twenty men, mostly consisting of my companions. The depression hit most of these fellows hard, so I was able to convince most of them into helping me seize the Hindenburg II. I promised them jobs on the ship once it is captured, and even though the mission is dangerous, none of them seem scared, and all but three accepted my offer. The plan is this; under the cover of darkness we will launch camouflaged hot air balloons and observation balloons off small boats directly under the ship. We will then lash the balloons to areas on the ship out of the range of the guns, and sneak aboard.
    The problem is the crew’s resistance. My first thought is that on such a heavily armored ship, the crew would be ill equipped for hand to hand combat, they would expect to blast their enemy’s away before hand to hand could happen. However, one of my team is an escaped German soldier, who joined the Air Force in rebellion. According to him, a ship at the top of the German fleet would be protected inside and out, because of the fear of sabotage and spies. He claims that their will be soldiers on guard constantly, and that if we want to get past them we must use a surprise strategy that will not allow the word to get out that we have boarded.
    Then it hits me.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Log 17: Rap Attack

This week the Captain does something very strange (after I commit murder). So as follows is a brief history of Captain James P. Proctor, an experiment in entertainment in podcast format. If it is easier, you can also find this on the Blog portion of the podcast at These journals were written by the captain, and I have dictated them here, starting where things get interesting.

(Amazing Talking Useless Machine)

Part 1: How I acquired the Eckener

May 19th, 1940.
    Being a humble balloonist, it is not easy to get noticed in a world of great airmen like Max Pruss, The Crimson Count and Ernst Lehmann. Today, however, my luck may have changed. I was up in my gas balloon around five o’clock in the morning “bird watching”, when I just so happened to pick up a signal from a German Zeppelin called “The Hindenburg II.” When I entered its channel the man on the other end asked me if he was speaking to “Base Golfplatz.” Thinking fast I informed him that he was, in my best German accent. The man then continued to ask me if they should proceed with the attack as planned. I told him “We are currently indecisive on that matter” and that before we could decide we needed his planned coordinates for today, midnight tonight, and noon the next day. He hesitantly gave these to me, and after an impressive amount of acting on my part, told him I was losing connection, but that I would do my best to have the decision made by the next time he gained contact.
    After a bit of research, I have learned that The Hindenburg II, or the LZ 131 is a new German airship, and the successor to The Hindenburg, LZ 129. It also came after The Graf Zeppelin II, LZ 130, and as far as the public knew, that was the end of the German Zeppelin line. Not true. Registered as a craft meant for war, the first war airship since World War I, The Hindenburg II is the length of almost three football fields, 20 stories high, and contains 20 bags filled with Hydrogen. It is equipped with 20 double sided air pressure cannons (double sided to keep the ship stable) and can carry over 100 people (less while wearing full armor and carrying full artillery). It is protected all around by reenforced aluminum siding, and carries dozens of fighter planes, ready to drop into a dogfight at a moments notice.
    It will be mine by morning.

Friday, October 7, 2011


The captain has a guest on as promised from last week. And this time she doesn't die or run away, so she might be back. The only catch is that she and the Captain are archenemies, so it may take a bit of listener persuasion ( to get her back. Big experiments coming next week, so make sure to listen.

(Amazing Talking Useless Machine)